Time Goes On
by Gondawara Saburota
Summary: [Taito oneshot] 'They say that I am brave, that I have courage, but in truth, I'm afraid. Losing him frightens me like nothing else...'


**Disclaimer:** Digimon? Nope, don't own it.

**Author's notes:**  
-This is the companion piece to "Time After Time". If you haven't read that, I suggest you read it first, but they really can be read in any order you so choose. This is meant to reflect Time After Time from another point of view, but I also tried to make it so that it could also stand alone.  
-The basic drill: It's Taito angst. If you don't like male/male pairings, don't read it! If you don't like angst, don't read it! If you don't like Digimon... why are you here?

—

**Time Goes On**

—

"I don't want to ruin our friendship." 

I hate those words with every fiber of my being. I hate them because they haunt me, they hurt me, and they remind me of the words that I can never say. They remind me that I can never tell my best friend that I'm in love with him. 

I've loved him for as long as I've known him. Our friendship got off to a rocky start, with more than just a few fistfights involved. But despite all the bruises and the tears and the angry words, I fell in love. 

He's beautiful, more so than even the prettiest of girls, though I doubt he realizes it. When he smiles, I swear that he must be an angel that came to earth. I worship his smile, but I don't see it nearly enough; I adore his laughter, but I don't hear it nearly enough. I was once told that laughter is contagious, so I always laugh at even the worst of jokes in hopes that he'll join in. I love it when he's happy. 

And that is why I can't tell him. I don't want him to lose his happiness. I don't want to see him retreat into himself. We've had more than our share of fights with each other, but it would kill me to hurt him emotionally. He is my dearest friend, and I will always wish for his utmost happiness. 

I wonder what people would think if they knew how afraid I am to tell him how much I love him. They say that I am brave, that I have courage, but in truth, I'm afraid. Losing him frightens me like nothing else, and so I cannot tell him. 

For fear of ruining our friendship, I can never tell him. 

—

He said goodbye to me today. 

I'm going to college in another city, and he's staying in Odaiba. He came to see me off this morning, and I already miss him terribly. I'll be back home in a few months, but being away from him will be torture. Ever since we were children, never more than a few days would pass without seeing each other. Maybe I'm just imagining things, but it feels like I'll never see him again. It feels like we said goodbye for the final time. 

I don't want to leave. The scholarship I'd received had come as a surprise, and the offer was too good to refuse, so I had to let go of my wishes. I wanted to go to college in Odaiba, with him. I wonder what his classes will be like, what he'll major in… He never admits it, but he's talented. His future has so many possible roads, so many interesting choices… unlike mine. I am not talented like him. I will struggle, and I will fall. But he won't be there to pick me up any more. He won't be there to dust me off and tell me to keep going. 

I almost told him today. When we said our goodbyes, I almost ran after him and told him that I love him more than anything in this world. I almost threw away my scholarship just so I could stay with him. He would have scolded me if I'd done that. He would have told me that I am foolish and that I need to think of my future. 

I can't imagine a future without him. I wish that he could feel the same way, but I know that he does not. I know that he could not possibly love a fool like me. 

—

I went to his graduation today. 

I'm not sure what made me go. Maybe I just wanted to see his face again; it's been two years since we last met. Two years since I last came to Odaiba. Two years since I told myself to move on. 

I invited him out to eat, saying that I wanted to catch up. I told him about my girlfriend, and he said that he would like to meet her. I'm not sure why I even mentioned her; we'd only been dating for a few months. Perhaps I hoped to detect the slightest trace of jealousy in his perfect features, the smallest twitch of annoyance that I was going out with someone who wasn't him, any miniscule hint that he might return my feelings. But there was nothing; I know clearer than ever that he feels nothing for me beyond friendship. If I'd seen anything but an easy smile as he told me he was happy for me, I would have gladly waited my whole life for him. 

If anything, staying away from him strengthened my love for him, even though I'd meant for it to force me to move on. I've tried to find happiness without him, because I know—especially now—that I cannot be the one to make him happy. 

I have decided today. As long as he is happy, that will have to be enough for me. I can expect nothing else. 

—

I am getting married today. 

My fiancée looks at me and smiles gently, giving me encouragement. I love her greatly, though I doubt I will ever be able to love her more than him. 

She knows about my love for him; I admitted it to her long before we were engaged. I told her everything, and she supported me. She helped me deal with the fact that he and I would never be lovers. When I struggled, she helped me go on. When I fell, she took his place in helping me stand. I am grateful to have met her. And now, I'm marrying her. It's the happiest day of my life, but it also hurts. 

He is best man at my wedding. Asking him had taken every ounce of courage I possess, and he had answered so happily… It's silly, but hearing him congratulate me on my own engagement is a blow that I don't think I'll be able to recover from. 

I look at my fiancée again and return her smile as I say my vows. I will cherish her forever. 

For the first time, I am glad that I never told him. If I had, I know I would have lost my best friend, and there would be someone else standing next to me as best man. 

We can be nothing else, but at least we are friends. 

—

I am dying. 

The doctors and nurses smile at me and say comforting words, but I know the truth. My wife enters the room silently, our young son asleep in her arms. Everyone says that my son looks just like me; Koushirou even asked once if I had invested in cloning research. Yamato had laughed at him when he'd suggested it. 

"How are you feeling, Taichi?" she asks. She smiles sadly at me, and I realize that she, too, knows. 

"Fine," I lie weakly. "How's Matt?" 

"Tired," she says, looking at the small brunette. "It's past his bedtime." 

My wife had been the one to suggest our son's name, though it was originally meant to be Yamato. Yamato didn't like the idea, though, and he'd protested quite strongly. For reasons that I could never quite figure out, he absolutely didn't want my son to be named after him, so my wife and I had decided on his childhood nickname as a compromise. 

"Yamato's on his way here," she says softly. 

I'm not sure what to think. I can't deny that I want to see him, but I don't want him to see me like this. I don't want him to see me dead. 

And I'm very close to death now. 

With a voice even weaker than before, I smile and suggest that my wife wait for him in the lobby. She nods, giving me a goodbye kiss before she goes. I have never liked being alone, but I don't want to die in front of someone. 

She shuts the door softly behind her, and I hear her faint footsteps lead down the hall. I shut my eyes. 

I heard once that your life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die. My mind begins to wander, touching on many parts of my life, and I wonder if this is what they meant. Yamato is in every important memory. Our meeting, our fights, our partings, our reunions… He was there at my wedding; he was there when my son was born. 

He was always there for me. Always. 

I laugh humorlessly, and the sound catches in my throat. I had forgotten. I had always looked for a sign of his feelings, but I had forgotten that he never showed them in his face. He showed them through his actions. He showed them by being there. His feelings were there, plain as day, and I never saw them. 

He loved me, but he never told me. And I loved him, but I never told him. 

Neither of us ruined our friendship. 

The world is getting darker, and I try to fight it off, willing time to stop. I can't die yet. I can't die before I tell him. I've finally realized everything, so I have to tell him! I have to let him know! 

I hear footsteps approaching my door. The door opens, and I see him. 

"I love you," I say, my voice barely even a whisper. 

Darkness overtakes me, and time goes on. 

**-Fin-**


End file.
